teach me. i dare you.

an ode to dad.

2009-06-21T18:16:00.002+08:00

this father's day
i give to you
a poem i wrote
oh-so brand new

the self-control i learnt from you,
helped me avoid many a beating
especially when getting teased by dids
'bout the braces i'd be be receiving.

the frugality you enforced
made it possible for me
to give my family gifts
as tokens for tahan-ing

your wisdom, so oft repeated
has been taken to heart
i gained many nuggets from you, dad.
someday these to my children i'll impart.

my love for reading, from you AND mom,
is very greatly appreciated
so many worlds i've imagined
which in printed pages were created.

the square root of three.

2009-03-18T14:52:00.001+08:00

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed.

recovery.

2009-03-08T14:19:00.002+08:00

she stands alone, both tall and true
the perfect picture of solitude
the soul of a woman encased in bark
with limbs that move in a majestic arc
alone she's faced the storms of life
the wind and rain, disease and strife
others gave up, but no, not she
and there she stands for all to see
she's had her share of troubles and woes
but she made it through, and still she grows
like her you too know grief and pain
you've faced the wind, you've felt the rain
and like her too, you still stand tall
though life may beat you, you will not fall
it may throw punches, you may take a blow
but in the end you too shall grow
each storm you weather increased your strength
and beneath this skin, your soul's to thank
the elm and you, you know what to do
you count on yourselves, and make it through.

-from chicken soup for the teenage soul III

f. o.

2009-03-07T12:21:00.002+08:00

it's official.

i suck.

ta-daa!

and please, your so called words of comfort don't help, cos u have no effing idea what i'm feeling.

effort not proportionate to results, so stop, i beg of you.

falling down the evolutionary ladder...

2009-01-26T18:48:00.002+08:00

one step at a time, and enjoying the ride all the way to the bottom.

Where were you 3 hours ago?
here.
What is your boyfriends/girlfriends name?
princess poodleater the second... junior.
Have you ever eaten a crayon?
yeah. right before i drank the giant squid oil.
When is the last time you went to the mall?
um... yesterday?
Are you wearing socks right now?
haha. SURE i am. i regularly parade at home in socks. i like skiing in them, too.
Do you have a car worth over $2,000?
i don't have ANYTHING worth over $2,000. and if only cars were so cheap.
When was the last time you drove out of town?
DROVE? where, to malaysia? hahahaha, i flew to turkey, that count?
Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
um.... no. i've been watching movies at home. *hush*
What was the last thing you had to drink?
MAGGI NOODLE SOUP!
What are you wearing right now?
camo t-shirt (bleargh), basketball shorts.
Last food that you ate?
MAGGI NOODLES!
Where were you last week at this time?
pulau tekong.
What’s the last sporting event you watched?
the guy before me said archery. mine is the bcct in tekong. i watched that one...
What is your favorite animal?
these bacteria that eat your flesh from the inside out... otherwise, puppies.
What is your dream vacation?
spending time alone. or with a special person, if i can get one.
Last person’s house you were in?
mine.
How old are your parents?
they're birth certs expired. na, 54 and 48 this year.
Have you been in love?
before? no, i'm too young and immature. now? no, see previous comment.
Do you miss anyone right now?
hell yes.
What are your plans for tonight?
finish you off then go for dinner.
Who is the last person you sent a myspace message to?
myspace??? i snub you as i would myself. no, wait...
Ever go to camp?
... NEXT QUESTION.
Were you an honor roll student in school?
HAHAHAHA. no.
What do you want to know about the future?
my a level grades.
Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
YEAH. EAU DE GOAT.
Where is/are your best friend(s)?
around.
Do you have a tan?
i spent 2 weeks in tekong, which is a degree higher than anywhere in singapore, but NO, i have no tan. I'm CREAMY white, i am.
What are you listening to right now?
American Boy by Estelle feat. Kanye West.
Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
no, i regularly pour it through my nose and spend the rest of the meal time trying to make it come out my ears.
What does your last text message say?
where r u?
Do you like hot sauce?
no.
When was the last time you took a shower?
just now.
Do you need to do laundry?
doesn't everybody?
What is your heritage?
INDIAN!
Are you someone’s best friend?
don't ask me, as them.
What’s on the radio?
the hell would i know? i don't listen to the radio.
What do you think of the person who took this survey before?
some random dude.

underneath the ammo tree.

2009-01-26T18:20:00.002+08:00

all i want for cny is you.

inadvertently, i might just get what i most wish for.

or not. if the dissection of the little bits of data and random numbers (that seem to arrange themselves, miraculously, into little thingamajigs that spell out words which are seen on a handphone screen as an SMS) are to be believed. also, it might interest you to know (or not), sms should not actually be a noun. SMS stands for Short Message Service, so you can't say i received an sms, cos then you'd be saying i received a Short Message Service, and, let's face it, that just sounds gay.

so let's shorten that entire damn paragraph to this: if the interepration of the message is to believed.

ta-daa!

i can do magic, me.

i know i just came back from ns for the first time (alert the press), but i cannot be bothered to blog about life in the army. no particular reason, you know, i just... don't feel like it. why? i dunno, i don't wanna get charged for leaking army secrets, even though the chances that what i've been taught so far is something that can get me charged for espionage and treason and shitz is pratically nada.

but still. ns has been... enlightening so far. and it's about to becoming a lot more... hands-on, i suppose. or maybe more... eye-opening, whichever of the two can be interpreted as 'oh shit, oh shit, i'm so gonna die for the next 7 weeks or so in ns, even though i want to go to command school.'

and i wanted to meet all my friends in these 4 days, but they were all overseas. still, i had fun at dinner with amu linky and jag, and pool with linky and ranjan was a blast.

and now, i'm off to dinner. yippee.

i'm a little apprehensive, very scared, and more than a lil hopeful.

and i'm not just talking about ns, either.

till then, ladies and gentlemen, and everything in between...

drink see-rub everyday.

the inscrutable nuances of the human mind.

2008-12-17T21:19:00.002+08:00

i think we indians should never plan in great detail for ANYTHING. and i do mean, ANYTHING.

because inevitably, whenever we do plan something in great detail, something or someone happens to the plan and screws it all up. some might argue that this is the case for all people and plans, but i think its especially exclusive to indian people.

and no prejudice, really.

on a related note, the hindi sch gang was supposed to meet, with the exception of the other basketballer, who seems to be in some random part of india doing what he considers to be the best thing to do at a time like this: C.H.A.

we were SUPPOSED to meet up. but in the end, the twins couldn't make it cos they had to accompany their mum somewhere. so we postponed the whole thing.

i ended up going to national library to read. haiz. i wanted to go to marine parade library after going to parkway, but i decided against it. so the national library was graced with my presence for almost 5 hours. i sat there on the floor (man, what an indian) and read comics. for 5 hours.

i like to read.

why?

because reading confers knowledge and knowledge is power.

but power corrupts,

corruption is a crime,

and crime doesn't pay.

so if you kept on reading,

you'd go BROKE!

gee, and i always thought it was a good habit!

SURE, that's what the librarians would love for you to believe!
____________________________________________________________

in other news, the prime minister of france visited washington today and i do the cha-cha like a sissy girl.

i likea...

do...

da cha-cha...
_____________________________________________________________

it's sad where my brain takes me when i let it.

i've visited holland, france, italy, the beaches of miami, the biatches of miami...

but i digress.
_____________________________________________________________

i only use my powers for good.

oh, sure, that's what they all say, but you don't really mean it! if it were up to me, EVERYONE would be naked.

-line from the wctr station in grand theft auto: san andreas.
_____________________________________________________________

this post was such an enlightening one, i recommend that it be knighted.

i dub thee... mud.

aufwiedersehen, mein freund!

seasons greetings. and explosions galore.

2008-12-15T22:19:00.003+08:00

after a particularly sentimental week, i've decided that i will watch love actually even if it kills me. just watching the song 'all i want for christmas' being performed by olivia olson had me hooked. for intro-ing me to that song, i thank you, lavanya. :P, there you got the mention you wanted, haha.

christmas always seems to bring out the best in everyone. while it also brings out the worst in some. ok, so i guess it's not everyone. but most people, that i grant myself.

... holy cow, i'm granting myself stuff.

another step down the inevitable road to insanity and humongous pizzas topped with everything but the jalapenos and the other green shitz... wait, what?

oh, man.

i got my braces tightened. and my lower jaw hurts. shit. like, everytime i run my tongue over my front lower teeth, there's like a tiny movement, followed by a sharp momentary pain. man.

she asked me, you know, if it was hurting much anymore. i told her no, thinking it was a good thing. then she goes and ups the ante. oh yay. ah well. pain is part and parcel of life. but braces were never meant to be.
___________________________________________________________

more reviews! woohoo!
___________________________________________________________

so anyway, i'll be off to turkey on the 1st of january, back on the 7th or the 8th, depending on which. and after that... ns. yay!

so, till next time, stay safe people!

go, baby, go, team!

skeet skeet skeet.

2008-12-12T22:07:00.002+08:00

there's more than one way to honor a man.

and this ain't it.
_______________________________________________

a lot of things, over the past few days, have made me question my abilities. will i be able to survive in the real world? my dad would be ecstatic, he's been asking me that question since i can remember.

it's strange, thinking about it, but i think i might just be able to pull it off.

talk about an upset.
_______________________________________________
bowling was fun. note: above seen strikethrough was not accident. i wanted to go ice skating. :(

but yeah, bowling was fun too. i found something i can beat others in, instead of being stuck in a state of perpetual and mind-numbingly neverending suckage.

even though my average is only around 139, but still. haha. you chose to go bowling, not me. :P

your loss, haha.

but i still wanna go ice skating whenever possible. it's been over 2 years since i last stepped on the ice. man...
_________________________________________________

if anyone ever took my breath away at first sight, it would have to be death.

either that or asthma. never mind that i said anyone.
_________________________________________________

so many people are going off in these next few weeks. it's sad, cos all my friends are going off, and i'm stuck here.

well, not really.

mesa going turkey for a few days next year.

before enlistment.

which is another whole new screwed up situation.

man.

whirlwind inside of my head.
____________________________________________

shall not bother you anymore, :P

farewell, comrades.

you really think this is never gonna end?

cos it is.

3.

2.

1.

fin.
______________________________________

dearest hopes and reams.

2008-12-09T12:18:00.002+08:00

i hate being poor.

hate having to worry about the next time my friends want to hang out or have lunch or something.

hate having to think fifty times just to buy lunch outside.

most of all, i hate the fact that i'm helpless to do anything about it.

death to all bearcats.

2008-12-07T00:48:00.002+08:00

a random phrase, i realised, but i didn't know what else to call it.

so sue me.
__________________________________________________

you know, you don't have to pretend as though the reason you're so reluctant is cos no one else wants to either.

you're scared of screwing up, i get it. i've been there, done that, friggin' MADE the t shirt, so don't gimme that supposedly noble crap.

how many times have i been so scared of screwing up? in front of you? in front of all of you?

now you finally find something you're not good at, and I'M not supposed to do it?

screw you.

how many times did the opposite happen, and yet i went ahead and did it anyway?

so yeah, screw you.
______________________________________________

this kinda shit just pisses me off.

then again, so does a lot of stuff nowadays.
______________________________________________

PROM ROCKED!!! everyone looked so good, all the girls were really pretty, and the guys looked suave and smooth. i didn't look too bad myself (i think), but i should have altered the vest. ah well.

been hearing from a lot of different people that i seem more confident these days, which is a good thing. so yeah.

anyway, back to prom.

isabelle looked really good in her prom dress. i heard it cost like, 700 bucks. whoa.

and there i was with a outfit that cost me a total of abt 150. sheesh. lol, but hey, it was worth it man, the 150 was well spent.

hint: the 150 is like a killer amount for me, hence the worthiness.

and the rest of my table looked so good!

lol, anyway, i'd like to thank all the guys who made my vj life so memorable. there's too many to list, so maybe some other time yeah?
________________________________________________

anyway, now its on to anticipating ice skating and ns.

whoopee.

atra esterni ono thelduin
mor’ranr lifa unin hjarta onr
un du evarinya ono varda.

a secret, 2 secrets, secrets galore, and then... kaput. draconis.

2008-11-27T19:21:00.002+08:00

you need some sort of a semblance of life.

seriously.
___________________________________________

on other news, there seems to have been a mental breakdown on the pain side of the knuckle's in the hosts hands, leading to the weird fact that punching metal, not once, but repeatedly apparently does not seem to hurt said host.

alert the... press?

or antibodies.

you choose.
___________________________________________

shopping for prom seems to be not so much a chore anymore, but as more of one last ditch effort to get people to accept me for who i am.

which, of course, will inevitably lead to me being skewered on the so called hall of shame that is reserved for those who irrevocably outcast themselves from the throes of the societal norms, and into the deepest pits of abomination.

in this case, that would happen to be my room.

wondered why i felt so at home here.
___________________________________________

escape was fun. i enjoyed myself. the class chalet was kinda fun too. teck yeow, eugene, daryl, warran, and the whole crazy gang on the first night made for more laughs than i can care to count.

then again, i don't need to count anymore. i'm done with a levels.

hey, HEY! i'm done.

my excuse for not being able to count.

big whoop? big whoop.

if there was kind of a sad moment, i'd say it had to be when i went to the pool at like 3 or 4. yeah.
___________________________________________

the whole secret project thing's not going along very wel, for one reason and one reason alone.

who am i doing it for? and why is the intended audience so. fucking. irresponsive. ARGH! it makes me wanna tear my hair out and set it on fire so bad that even the leftovers from the burning get burnt and turn the ash to more fucking ash.

ketchup.

if you were to kill hannibal lecter, how would you dispose of the body?
__________________________________________

i for one, am disgusted by the lack of concern that is being shown toward ants. how many more must die before we realise that these lil things are also animals.
__________________________________________

as you can see, this whole post is one monumental waste of space.

i wonder, though. is the internet a non-renewable resource? is bandwith a non-renewable resource?

we need a kyoto.com protocol or something.

but then again...
__________________________________________

i liked dostana. a lot. i'm considering going again. hmm...

maa da ladla bighadh gaya.

words i live by. and my mom's slim hope i may yet make it somewhere, basede on the fate of the movie's characters. not the gay part, the best friends with the hottest indian actress priyanka chopra part.

ok, i lied. that's my hope. my mom's is that i do engineering and become some sorta big shot. it should aid in my hope, but i'd rather do it my way and just sit back, relax, and watch more movies. like 21. yes, 21 is good. good for brains, good for health, good for nothing.

if you're good for nothing, then you are good for something you know. nothing is something, and something is definitely not nothing.

poof. thats the universe folding on itself around you. same as when you type google into the google search bar. or engine. or engineering bar. enginar.
__________________________________________

my new drink: sprokape. figure that one out. shouldn't take that long. think subway.

see ya round. ciao. adios.
__________________________________________

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, i'm still here. betcha didn't see that one coming.

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. c ya. for real this time.

the prodigal son returns... or not.

2008-11-23T19:25:00.005+08:00

and so i'm back.

big whoop? big whoop.

been a crazy week. been going out almost everyday. haha, pool, pool, movie, pool, movie, dinner, lunch. tomorrow i've got training (crashing vj cricket training), and then i'm going for my class chalet. whole lotta shit to do.

oh, and there's a secret project too. haha, i'll let you guys know when it's finished. hopefully it'll be soon. if not, then too bad, haha. it's a big project, so it'll take some time to complete. hopefully it's good, so yeah.

these past two weeks have been really killer. like, i'm going out everyday.

ok, so that's not really killer, it's actually fun as hell. but still, haha.

ooh, and the time is coming when i can cross my first item off my wishlist. the punching bag, my dad's getting from india. WOOHOO!

so yeah.
_____________________________________________

oftentimes, you look around you and start to wonder, who is the one for you?

you know the feeling, because it's been verbalisede in so many different forms. and you know who you want it to be, because you've dreamed about it.

but when does the one actually show up?

how do you know? what if it's not the one you thought it would be.

this time, I wonder what it feels like
to find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
but dreams just aren't enough
so I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
the moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
straight off the silver screen
so I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

cause nobody wants to be the last one there
cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
someone to love with my life in their hands
there's gotta be somebody for me like that
cause nobody wants to do it on their own
and everyone wants to know they're not alone
there's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
there's gotta be somebody for me out there.
_______________________________________________

you shoudn't. even if you do, or did. never again.

the inexplicable (and yet strangely explicable) grip of sadness.

2008-11-19T22:19:00.001+08:00

don't trust me. ever.

2008-09-29T23:18:00.002+08:00

evidence of my highness yesterday:

my mom goes off into some funny rant, jokingly, and then ends off with : i will kick you out of the house.

at which point, she asks: what will i do?

and the first thing that comes to my mind is this.

you will use one of the appendages gofted to you by one of our numerous gods and forcibly eject me from these premises which, over the course of the past few years, i have come to regard as nothing more or less than my home. and in the course of this action, most probably cause me harm which, at best, makes me twinge in annoyance or irritation and at worst, inadvertently, but most certainly, leads to my death.

i rock, si?

*******************************************************

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary
Soda cans and pizza boxes on the floor
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets
When finally at the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer
Then invoked the SAVE command, waited for the disk to store
Only this and nothing more

Deep into the dark screen peering, long I sat there wondering, fearing
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token
“Save!” I cried,“ you cursèd mother!  Save my data from before!”
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more
Just “Abort, Retry, Ignore?

-the disk drive.

************************************************************

in all sense oof the word, you suck. you really do. but hey, who am i to judge?

************************************************************

if ever one were to hand me the world on a silver platter, every answer conceivable mine for the asking, ya know what i would say?

sorry hor, i like the tlavel, the tlavel, not the end place.

************************************************************

but for a period of time, i was tempted to believe you. gos knows i really wanted to. yet there was some part of me, some cynic (gee i wonder where that came from) that knew it was nothing but false promises and lies.

because, heaven help me, i knew this was beyond repair.

i had helped to ensure that.

not knowingly, of course, but helped nonetheless.

***********************************************************

my anxiety over the a levels is now eclipsed only by the growing amount of free time i seem to have.

not a good thing, indubitably.

***********************************************************

so when the cat has got your tongue there's
no need for dismay.
just summon up this word and then
you've got a lot to say.
but better use it carefully
or it could change your life.

for example? ...yes?
when i... i said it to me girl, and now me girl's me wife!
*thud* ow, and a lovely thing she is too, hehe.

she's... supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
supercalifragilisticexpialiDOCIOUS!!!!

***************************************************************

and then a darkness, tinged with green, claimed him.

***************************************************************

quote of the YEAR: a man with an earring is better prepared for a girlfriend.
he's experienced pain, AND he's bought jewellery.

if tears could solve problems, the world would be flooded.

2008-09-28T19:27:00.002+08:00

you just couldn't keep yourself away, could you, you handsome devil you?

that's the thought that runs through my mind before i realise i'm hallucinating for lack of medication.

hello. naturally, if you are reading this, then for whatever reason, you have rightly assumed that i will not be able to maintain my self-imposed hiatus, and hence you decided to periodically check back on the faint hope that i may just have updated my blog with a few words, that might matter to some people and which other species would consider at best, random gibberish, and at worst, final utterings from their next meal.

so, naturally, welcome back.

unless you're a first time reader. then hello. or if you're a spambot thingamajig. then, my email will not be found here. HAHA, it probably died of hope on seeing the word email.

but it's a bot, so technically, it can't die. it went on the fritz with hope? it crashed with hope? doesn't have the same effect.

i built a bridge across
the stream of consciousness
it always seems to be
a-flowing, but i don't know
which way my brain is going
all the rhyming and the timing keeps
the melodies inside me and i'm
coming till i'm runnning out of air.

are you prepared to take a dive in to the deep end of my head?
are you listening to a single word i've said?

presumably, no. so yeah.

anyway, if you're a new reader, i should warn you that the title on the left (can't remember if it's still there) is pretty much what this blog is all about. semi-schizo schoolkid? completely, absolutely and alliteratively true.

and i also have to ask you: why the heck you're here. not many people read this blog, and with good reason. if ever there existed a better example of the dangers of modern societal status quo, bring him to me now, and he'll probably become my best friend.

but anyway, long story short: hi. prelims sucked, a's hopefully are much better, some people are still pissing me off, some just started, and most people still think i'm a dick. which i don't always deny, but still.

it sucks when you have to work so damn hard to prove yourself to be different from people's pre-conceived notions of you, no? yes. it does.

long live the underdogs.

'tis but a passing fancy of man when he yearns for companionship. evidence: how quickly he destroys any relationship that took years to build up.

____________________________. and don't think i've gotten over it, either.

you should talk, you two faced cow.

i never really know who i'm talking to, either, so don't worry.

i DID warn you about myself. don't say i didn't.

if a man were given unlimited power, what are the chances that he would seek, purely out of altruism, the ways to better society, and to right wrongs that have been committed.

the wave particle duality doesn't only apply to physics, you know.

you cannot pinpoint morality as being anything as absolute as a particle, and yet some globally accepted norms force us to reject it as resembling anything as... accomodating as a wave, as capable of achieving different levels of extremity.

till later.

i wish it was different. but it's not.

therefore, it's the same.

or is it?

foreclosure.

2008-06-20T22:20:00.001+08:00

i will not be online (msn) anymore. please, if you have a question or something, sms me, and i will get back to you. and do not ask me to go on outings. the answer will probably be no.

zohan, mugging and gym, oh my!

2008-06-13T20:47:00.003+08:00

hey. guess who got tickets to the premiere of 'you don't mess with the zohan'?

i'll give ya a clue. it's got two le'ers, first is 'm' and second one's 'e.'

i was listening to 987 fm, and then i heard this contest thing, where you have to imitate zohan from the movie and they give you a phrase. i thought, 'i can do this!' and i called in. i finally got through, and i did the phrase, lol. then they were debating over whether they should give the tickets to me or this other lionel guy who was quite good too, but in the end they gave it to me cos they said i sounded more like zohan.

i guess i was just lucky.

so, anyway, i'm going for the premiere!!!! woohoo!!!

*************************************************

mugging's not going too well, which you can probably tell if i can actually have enough time to pull off a blog post.

last 2 days i slacked like crazy. didn't get anything done.

today i finally started studying again, but not so good. hopefully i can get back on track over the weekend.

************************************************

i'm seriously panicking at the thought of cts now, when i think of the fact that it's less than 6 months to a's, i just freak out. oh man, i seriously hope i can buck up and get my act together.

the schedule is quite nice though, i've only got papers in the morning on monday, the rest of my papers are in the afternoon.

i hope i can use the next week to really brush up and whack the subjects.

************************************************

went to the gym twice in the past week, hopefully i can keep this up. i wanna bulk up before the end of the year. let's see how it goes.

oh, and going to the gym and then eating at subway? pure heaven. haha, the food tastes so much sweeter after you've killed yourself (or at least tried to)

but hey, enough about me.

***********************************************

you got a fast car
but is it fast enough so we can fly away
we gotta make a decision
we leave tonight or live and die this way

i remember we were driving driving in your car
the speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
city lights lay out before us
and your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
and I had a feeling that I belonged
and I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

-fast cars
by tracy chapman

today's topic: the heroes and the bad guys.

2008-06-02T15:40:00.003+08:00

if ever a word existed for relief, sadness and and emptiness in your gut, it would pobably go something like this: reladtiness.

and that's what i would be experiencing, if not for the exhaustion that has taken hold of my body and is giving me a whole lotta shit to deal with, like random growths on my face and stuff.

oh wait, that's my nose.

ics night is finally over, in case some of the clueless people in the world haven't, you know, gotten a clue.

so yeah, this post will mostly be about ics night, and therefore, those who didn't go for it... nyeh nyeh! this is more or less what you missed!

lol, so anyway, first and foremost... THANK YOU FOR ALL THOSE WHO SUPPORTED ME THROUGHOUT THE TIME OF ICS NIGHT, I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU GUYS... you guys were my lifeline, i don't know how i would have coped with all the late nights and fighting the flu and all that stuff... thank you amu, dhevy, simran, shreya, pushpa, lincon, aditya, saravanan, dev, rama, saranya, saravanan, michelle, vaishali, sneha, thiru, hasinah, susmitha, abhinaya, abhishek, serena, reema! as for the non-indians, xiangli, of course, and mrs. liew, and andre for relieving the pressure with the promise of soccer (sorry man, i didn't play again i know), as well as wei-an and his dance group for agreeing to help, and wei-an in general for his wackiness that made ics night so much more fun, to shakura, for helping me to find the gloves, as well as amelia, who offered me support throughout, regardless of the fact that she was in a rush and all. (not in any particular order at all, other than indians first and then non-indians)
AMOUDTHA! seriously, if not for you and your help in editing the songs, and staying up with me so late to talk crap, for checking up on me and forcing me to eat, for always letting me rest when i needed to, for allowing me to slack off, and for all the moral support you gave me, i would not have made it through ics night. really. and the breakfasts at mc's at 7 in the morning, and the late night talks on the phone regarding ics night, and the late night messages that you sent to everyone, trying to encourage them and give them energy for the next few days, and the help with the dance, and your enthusiasm in dancing, and all the help that you gave to everyone, regardless of whom it was, and regardless of how busy you were. you are truly one of the nicest people i have ever met.

DHEVY! my god, i never knew that you would become so much more assertive this year! i was a little worried because i didn't know if you had the required force, but boy did you prove me wrong. and of course, if it hadn't been for you and the rest of the exco convincing mr. veera, we wouldn't have had an ics night in the first place. so thanks for the whole dood thing, the crazy smiles early in the morning that gave me energy, the pep talks, and the dedication, the hardwork, the commitment, the never giving up on us bit, and for forcing me to sleep, and for putting up with the tantrums i threw, for encouraging me throughout, and basically for always helping out whoever needed help.

SIMRAN! holy crap, i never knew that you were this crazy! i suspected it, but i never really knew the extent of the madness! for your making me laugh so much the night before ics night, in the kfc, and for making me laugh so hard in general, for all the great lunches that all of us had together, for the lack of a smile and then the sudden appearance of the treasured smile during ics night itself freaking all of us backstage out, and the craziness about dev, adi and lincon, for the great time that we had in the classrooms while dancing and practicing. and of course, for those much too nice comments on your blog about me. i really appreciate the fact that you consider me your close friend now.

SHREYA! i tell you, you and dhevy more or less became my mothers during this period, along with simran, amu and the rest of the people in general. forever nagging me to eat, to sleep and all that, to take care of myself. you honestly don't know how nice it felt to know that people were there who genuinely cared for you, apart from your parents. thanks for the nagging, thanks for the thanks, thanks for everything in general!

MICHELLE! wassup, my brudder! haha, i honestly appreciated the fact that you kept coming over to check how i was when i was editing the songs, and the hugs meant lot to me, really. so, i wanted to thank you for caring so much, for being so nice, and for the hugs. and i thought u and saravanan pulled off the mc script brilliantly, no joke!

SERENA! if it wasn't for you, i might not have made it through jc1 or something either. i really do consider you one of my best friends, and i hope that we continue to be good friends. i really don't know what else to say, there's just so many emotions that i can't write down. so... thank you. from the bottom of my heart.

i really don't know what else to write, because the rest of the people on the list will just be getting thanks for the exact same stuff. so THANK YOU ALL OF YOU!

ics night was a blast. and not the c4 kind.

*****************************************************

If not for you,
Babe, I couldn't find the door,
Couldn't even see the floor,
I'd be sad and blue,
If not for you.

If not for you,
Babe, I'd lay awake all night,
Wait for the mornin' light
To shine in through,
But it would not be new,
If not for you.

If not for you
My sky would fall,
Rain would gather too.
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all,
I'd be lost if not for you,
And you know it's true.

If not for youMy sky would fall,
Rain would gather too.
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all,
Oh! what would I do
If not for you.

If not for you,
Winter would have no spring,
Couldn't hear the robin sing,
I just wouldn't have a clue,
Anyway it wouldn't ring true,
If not for you.

gooniegoo mobile.

2008-05-17T17:53:00.002+08:00

if you were here, where i am, you would understand how i felt.

and this continuous and debilitating pain would stop.

i think.

i do not sit on furniture, i subjugate it...

2008-05-11T18:32:00.002+08:00

and that's about the extent of subjugation in my life.

kinda sad, no?

************************************************

you think and you think and you think, but just when you seem to have it all figured out, something new comes along that completely screws you over.

ah, death, the next big screwover.

i mean, think about it. so many people wonder where we go when we die, and the only people who can tell us are in no condition to because, obviously, they're a lil' dead.

as insensitive as that might sound, just stop, and think about it for a second.

why worry so much about something that's definitely going to happen to you, regardless of whether you want it to or not?

not worth it, i say.

*************************************************

once you get past the weird, mucky, mushy, gloppy stuff inside the oyster, you always get a pearl.

unless of course, the oyster didn't get sand in it. in which case you just got screwed over.

how tragic.

so just pull yourself together and go dive for the next damn oyster.

***************************************************
and now ladies and gentlemen, presenting the answer to the eternal question: what happens when an irresistible force happens to meet an immovable object?

since an immovable object is just that, encountering an irresistible force will inadvertently cause it to self destruct and take half of this sad world we live in along with it, including the pesky force itself.

alternatively, it would disrupt the space-time continuum, thereby unleashing upon the world a 50-foot amoeba named shep.

***************************************************

on a side note, i think zits is the best comic for teens ever written. i was in national library for like 3 hours reading nothing but zits, and being visited by occasional spasms of silent laughter. i was approached 3 times by a librarian who asked me with her mouth to stop making so much noise (with silent laughter? yeah, sure.) while asking me with her eyes to stop before she had me dragged away with the singaporean equivalent of the great khali (i.e 5'7 , 150 pound security men, unless they work out at tampines gym, in which case they'll be 300 pounds of nothing but muscle.)

***************************************************

smildew, if i remember correctly, is a pokemon.

2008-04-30T23:14:00.002+08:00

well, last week, we had our sc investiture. it was nice, all the student councillors were really sad cos they were leaving and it was quite emotional.

when you think about it, it really is difficult for them to suddenly have to give up something that pretty much took up most of their lives in this one year. how often was it that you saw a student councillor not near the sc room? it definitely wasn't easy for them, that's for sure.

but it kind of makes you think, doesn't it? when you've devoted so much time and effort into developing anything, what happens when that is taken from you? this doesn't just apply to posts held in organisations either. i'm talking about relationships with people, both friendships and romantic relationships.

to have spent so much time with friends, with classmates, and with someone who you trusted and who trusted you, only to have that friend suddenly stop talking to you. how do you bridge that gap? that gap that, sometimes, you yourself created?

******************************************

on a lighter note, there's been a definite increase in my comprehension of some subjects, and while teacher's still don't really care for my attitude, this increased ability to understand what my teacher's are saying is refreshing.

maybe now i won't completely fail, huh?

******************************************

been feeling weird these past few days. both physically and mentally. i don't really know what it's about, but i do know that it's scaring me, and i keep feeling as though i do know what it's about, i just don't want to face it.

******************************************

Like a piece to the puzzle that falls into place,
You could tell how we felt from the look on our faces.
We were spinning in circles with the moon in our eyes.
No room left to move in between you and I.
We forgot where we were, and we lost track of time,
And we sang to the wind as we danced through the night.

-Into the Night by Santana ft. Chad Kroeger

submitting to pop culture (and enjoying every minute of it)

2008-04-26T19:25:00.002+08:00

SECTION ONE : About ME
1. Name: ganesh
2. Nicknames: ganti, gantu, gigabyte, ganti ganesh bramhaputra chandrashekhar azad tejeshwar naidu pillai s/o muthusamy vellasamy nagarajan pillai
3. Feet size: 6
4. Do you have a crush: ... moving on!
5. Girlfriend/Boyfriend?: neither.
6. Age you act: 17... months maybe.
7. Where Do You Live: the tiny red dot... no, not a pimple.
8. Where you want to live: in a toilet. next choice: los angeles
9. Birthplace: india
10. Favorite Salad Dressing: nekkid! ah, actually i don't really know what a dressing is
11. Ever gone skinny dipping? i'm skinny, and i've taken dips in the pool... that count?
12. What are you watching? my social life, whizzing by.
13. Last person you talked to: my dear old mom.
14. Favorite movie: probably a beautiful mind. if not, then hannibal. *evil smirk* step up 2!!!
15. Favorite Book: kamasutra! no la, it's probably the seven ancient wonders.
16. Favorite Type of music: hip hop, r&b, old school rock & roll, anything with a funky beat.
17. Favorite types of cars: i thhink everyone agrees when i say that it's the.... honda minivan! nah, it's actually the audi r8. what a body, whoo!
18. Favorite Saying: he who laughs last, very slow.
19. Favorite Fast Food: pizzapizzapizzapizzapizzapizzapizzapizzapizzapizzapizzapizza!!!!
20. Favorite Ice Cream: vanilla, or choc chip.
21. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: jolly shandy? it's about the only one i've ever had, and it's got like .5% alcohol in it or something, so yeah...
22. When Do You Go To Sleep: 11.30? 2.30? anytime's fair game.
23. Most Embarrassing Moment: every breath i take, lol... no la, probably the time when i had to have an orgasm on stage for drama nite. man, that really sucked.
24. Stupidest Person you know: gautam venugopalan... *tries not to die laughing*
25. Funniest Person you know: robin williams! or jeff dunham! or if not them, then me. :D
27. Favorite Food: the edible kind.
28. Favorite Song: refer to no. 16.
29. Favorite Television Show: Whose Line Is It Anyway?, F.R.I.E.N.D.S, The Simpsons
30. Favorite Radio Station: 987 FM, 91.3
31. Favorite junk food: doritos, chachos bbq, hot dog buns, stuff like that.
32. Favorite sappy love song: HUH???
33. Favorite Drink: you guess... no really, guess... haha, mountain dew, duh.
34. Favorite article of clothing: all of them, without which we'd still be running around completely nekkid.
35. Favorite Animal: golden retrievers. they're so cute.

SECTION TWO :
1. School: i'd rather not say, for security reasons
2. Where You Want To Live: up your nose to the left.
3. How Many Kids You Want: all of them.
4. What Kind Of Job: the payed kind.
5. Wedding song: i'm glad i crashed the wedding, by busted. nah, just kidding, i'd have is it you by cassie.
6. Pets: does my sister count? haha, nah, i don't have any.
8. 5 years from now? university, probably.
9. 10 years from now? architect at a well off firm? or an engineer.

SECTION THREE : Have You Ever..
1. Done Drugs: is marijuana a drug? if so, then.... nope.
2. Run Away From Home: yeah, i'm so sure i can strike it out on my own, what with my amazing charm and brilliant resourcefulness, haha.
3. Hit A Girl: yes, and i'm ashamaed of it.
4. Lied: got kicked out of the house for a day for this one.
5. Stolen Anything: well... yes.
6. Broken A Bone: not that i can recall.
7. Cheated On A Test: who hasn't? we all have at some point, and if someone says they haven't, then bring them to me, cos i want to take acting lessons from them.
8. Cheated On A girlfriend/boyfriend: have to have one before you can cheat on her.
9. Gotten Drunk: huh??? no.
10. Been With Two guys/girls At Once: yes... oh wait, yo mean in a sick way.... no.
11. Been In The Hospital: yup. best tv surfing experience ever.
12. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: yeah.
13. Fell asleep in the shower/bath: believe it or not, i actually have done this one.
14. Gone to Church: yup. just to check it out though, not cos i'm christian... cos i'm not, i'm hindu.
15. Never slept during a night: more times than is beneficial for the health.
16. Ever been on a motorcycle or motorbike: me + motorbike = one dead indian. and not cos of an accident, either.
17. Been to a camp: yeah.
18. Sat in a restaurant w/o ordering: free water count? if so, then it's still yes.
19. Seen someone die: no.
20. Gone a week w/out shaving: if only i had hair that grew that fast.
21. Didn’t wash your hair for a week: when i was younger i think.
22. Broken something valuable: a heart.
23. Thought you were in love: yes... with emma watson, can you believe it? i was 12.
24. Streaked the streets: SURE! i decide to show the conservative singaporean public my pubic regions on a regular basis! got myself a fan club, i do.
25. Screamed at someone for no reason: yeah, but that was just crankiness and exhaustion talking.
26. Said I love you and meant it: yes.
27. Been hurt by a guy/girl you loved: yes.
28. Stayed up till 4 am on the phone: yes.
29. Pulled a prank? yeah, a couple. thousand.

SECTION FOUR : Which Is Better..
1. Coke Or Pepsi: pepsi.
2. Cats Or Dogs: cats
3. DVDs or VHS: vhs is video tape, and i prefer dvd. hah! xiangli knew not what vhs was.
4. Deaf Or Blind: deaf. seeing the world is better than not hearing a thing.
5. Pools Or Hot Tubs: can't say, haven't been in a hot tub before.
6. Television Or Radio: television is chewing gum for the eyes, and who doesn't love gum?
7. CDs Or mp3 : mp3s.
8. Apples or oranges: oranges.
9. Strawberries or Blueberries: blueberries
10. Gold or silver: gold is obviously more valuable, but silver looks nicer.
11. Vanilla or chocolate: vanilla
12. video or movie? movie.
13. Park or Beach? beach.
14. Hot or Cold weather? cold.
15. Sunset or Sunrise? sunrise!

SECTION FIVE : When is the Last Time You..
1. Took a shower: today afternoon.
2. Cried: can't remember.
3. Watched a Disney movie: enchanted, i guess.
4. Given/gotten a hug: yesterday night.
5. Been to the movies: computer's weren't invented then.
6. Danced: just now.
7. Did a survey like this: don't really remember ever doing it.

SECTION SIX : What is..
1. Your Fondest Memory Of This year: musicfest. GFAC!
2. Your Most Prized Possession: my thoughts.
3. The Thing That Makes You The Happiest: the happiness of those i love.
4. Your Favorite Food For Breakfast: pizza.
5. Your Favorite Food For Dinner: pizza.
6. Your Favorite Slow Song: love by nat king cole.
7. Your Ideal BF/GF?: one who loveth me too.

SECTION SEVEN : What do i feel about…
1. Bill Clinton: used to confuse this bugger with gates.
2. Love at First Sight: i think it exists, but is rare.
3. Abortion: no way.
4. Smoking: HELL NO!!!
5. Death: certainty of life.
7. Rap: love eminem.
8. Marilyn Manson: WHO?
9. Premarital sex: nuh-uh.
10. Suicide: easy to talk about, difficult to do.

SOCIAL
1. best guy friend: koganti ftw.
2. best girl friend: serena, or xiangli, or my sister. one of them.
3. current crush: haha, if i wanted to publish this id call the nyt.
4. boyfriend/girlfriend: yeah, right.
5. are you center of attention or wallflower: centre of wallflower.
6. what type automobile do u drive: bus no.11
7. are u timely or always late: more or less on time.
8. do u have a job: yeah, official scribe for recovering retards anonymous.
9. do u like being around people: of course.
10. hobbies: too many to count.

LOVE
1. have u ever loved someone u had no chance with? yeah. plenty of times.
2. have u ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did? yup.
3. do u have a “type” of person u always go after: not really. but their personality must be nice, duh.
4. want someone u don’t have right now? mr toodles from across the bridge of prancing poodles.
5. ever liked a close guy/girlfriend? think so.
6. are u lonely right now? haha, no.
7. ever afraid u’ll never get married? yeah. but not afraid though.
8. do u want to get married? not sure.
9. do u want kids? dunno.
10. would you rather love or be loved? love.

FAVORITES
1. room in house: my room.
2. type of music: again, look above.
3. location for dates: romantic spots as the sun sets.
4. memory: musicfest and drama nites. basically, my times on stage.
5. day of the week: friday, more specifically friday night.
6. color: dark blue/black.
7. perfume or cologne: cologne.
8. flower: roses.
9. month: december. holidays baby!
10. season: nba.

In the last 48 hours have you..
1. cried: nope.
2. bought something: drama nite ticket.
3. gotten sick: nope.
4. sang: yeah. not very well though, haha.
5. said i love u: yup. to my sister.
6. wanted to tell someone u loved them but didnt?: nope. never bottle your feelings.
7. met someone new: yes. selina from tj.
8. moved on: HUH???
9. talked to someone: HAHAHAHA. dumb question. yes.
10. had a serious talk: yes.
11. missed someone: of course.
12. hugged someone: yes.
13. kissed someone: nope.
14. fought with your parents: are you psychic?
15. dreamed about someone u can’t be with: yes.
16. had a lot of sleep: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! another dumb question. no.

*********************************************************

on a lighter note, i have no recollection of ever having done anything that might have caused someone to have been hit by a flying red sheep.

my soul is cleansed.

and so are my teeth.

excelsior!

a lil piece of me...

2008-04-19T23:19:00.003+08:00

by now you ought to have realised that i'm no longer one of those who is willing to blog everyday, just as and when the mood strikes.

bully for me, eh?

anyway, yesterday was the musicfest finals.

g.f.a.c is legend, it is.

i honestly thought that we were going to win, i really did. the crowd, i think, was on our side, judging y the amazing cheers that we got and the screams going on throughout the performance.

not to take anything away from pbj, you guys were really fun to watch, and i think your coordination and your steps in general were very well though of. so props to you guys, and congrats!

yu hua is friggin' amazing, he's got such amazing stage presence. and his guitar skills are amazing too.

olivia, i know you didn't win, but hey, you really did try hard, and you sang really well. so don't be sad and all ok?

xinmin, congrats! you sang very well too! and your stage presence was nice. although the usage of the guy was a litle overdone, but nonetheless brilliant.

2 days, i really enjoyed watching your performance, i loved the way you worked the crowd. it's unfortunate that you were a little uncoordinated, or you might have won. but still.

THANKS TO THE PA CREW AND THE SC, WITHOUT WHOM THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A MORE OR LESS EMPTY POST.

shu wen, thanks for all the hard work that you put in, i know we weren't exactly the most cooperative group or nothing, but you still were very understanding and patient with us, and for that, you must be both thanked and congratulated for your amazing tolerance for our crap.

there are a lot of other things i want to mention regarding musicfest, but being pressed for both time and the willingness to write, i shall save it for some other time.

i leave you with a poem.

ROSE

i wish, i wish upon a star,
to bring me there, right where you are
my love for you knows no bounds,
and yet, sadly, i have found

the closer i think i get to you,
the more pain you seem to put me through
i am finding it hard to believe
that you would offer me no reprieve

but the closer i think i get to you,
the more pain you seem to put me through.

**************************************

have mercy, i am not a poet.

and this has no hidden meaning nor relevance to me.

just in case.

g.f.a.c over theyaarrrre!

hypocrites.

2008-02-19T23:27:00.001+08:00

i wish, for just once in my life, i was well-liked by everyone. maybe even (god forbid) loved by someone.

just once.

a lot of milo, trying to make you feel better.

2008-02-14T20:57:00.002+08:00

this day, this whole day, was a waste of time.

but then, i'm just sore.

time heals all wounds, but the pain stays for a while longer.

truckloads of mountain dew and milo, on the other hand, get rid of the pain at the precise instant.

**********************************

i've really enjoyed
the times we've shared,
the fun we had,
the times you cared

i appreciate your friendship,
the least i could do,
so on this day
i give to you

no expensive gifts,
no things to eat,
but this poem
from my heart deep deep

i value our friendship,
this i know
and i hope you do too,
this line's just for show

i hope we don't lose touch
not now, hopefully never
and so i hope we
can be friends forever

with this i conclude,
this myriad of rhymes
i hope you don't consider this
a waste of time.

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY ONE AND ALL!!!

**********************************************

and yet...

**********************************************

my vday was spent at home. again. haha, but this year i got letters from friends, and i sent the above poem to all my friends, cos i felt guilty for not buying them anything. so i wrote the poem on the spot and sent it to them. cheapskate la, but i think that something you spend time on is much more thoughtful and sincere than something you spend money on.

that, and i'm not exactly very well endowed in the financial department.

so yeah.

anyway, till another time!

sayonara desu!

the summation of all fears to infinity is only possible when mod x is less than 1

2008-02-12T10:15:00.000+08:00

it's difficult to blog when your mind is hazy from exhaustion. did you know that?

then again, it's difficult to do anything when you're exhausted.

*****************************************

i got hit in the mouth yesterday during training. i think the cement behind my bracket got chipped off, so now i have to get this bracket replaced too. brilliant. on top of that, the right side of my upper lip is swollen. yay. so now, not only do i look like a zombie returned from the dead, i look like one who had his top right canine tooth removed by a blindfolded chipmunk... on drugs.

and today i plan to run 4.8 km, cos my stamina's been going down like nobody's business. crap. ah well, let's hope that i can get back in shape by the time napfa comes around. i wanna get my 2.4 km under 10:10. hopefully under 10.

we'll see how it goes. if i don't collapse and die of exhaustion or something first.

*****************************************

cyanide kills people. it inhibits an enzyme that's found in the membrane of the mitochodria, and this means that adenosine triphosphate can no longer be produced, as it disrupts the electron transport chain. in doing so, it prevents aerobic respiration from occurring. so tissues and organs that depend on aerobic respiration like the heart and the nervous system are more or less screwed.

see? i'm not as stupid as some people think i am. i figured this one out on my own.

******************************************

sometimes, when you least expect it, especially if you're really having a bad day, something happens that suddenly makes your whole day brighter. i'm talking about the kinds of things that seem so mundane and that you never really notice. for example, you suddenly realise that there are a lot of places in singapore where, if you were to go to that place, the view would be so breathtaking, so inspirational that it's like looking into the face of god. i don't know how else to put it.

there are other such things, none of which i'm inclined to put up right now. sorry. maybe some other time.

******************************************

this post was such a waste of time.

a self-conscious resurrection of sorts

2008-02-10T20:38:00.000+08:00

today was not as boring as the past few days have been. and for some reason, i'm ok with that.

lincon, amu and i went to play pool at parkway. i was on fire sia, i beat lincon like, 3 games in a row. haha, or maybe he was just off form. that's probably the case, he usually owns me. haha, oh well, i guess the next time we play, we'll find out.

then we went to dhoby ghaut to look around and find some chocolate shop, the cocoa trees or something. after hanging around there for a while, amu realised that there's one in parkway too.

blondie.

haha, no la, she had no way of knowing. it's hard to find these shops, heck i didn't know that we were there till i stepped into the damn shop and realised that we were there.

anyway, after that, we basically slacked around for a long time, doing nothing but talking crap and stuff. haha, was quite fun i suppose. it's a shame that no one else could come.

ah well.

*******************************************

it's weird being alone at home. you get so used to the presence of different people around you, and yet you always have this group of people who are always with you at some point or the other. it's hard to explain, but you get so used to the presence of these people that when they suddenly leave, it kind of feels really... disconcerting. you suddenly feel disoriented, and i suppose that this is part of gaining your independence, but it still feels really weird at first.

then you slowly start to get used to the absence of those that you hold dear, and you start to slowly enjoy this new experience, and you experience something new almost everyday. and it's like an epiphany that you have, all of a sudden you realise that you're no longer completely dependent on your parents for everything anymore, and that you can function without them. not very well, but still, it's an improvement.

and that brings you this much closer to the day that you finally say good-bye to your parents, they who have seen you down this long road and must now give you up to the world that will not always treat you so kindly.

i hear and i know, i see and i remember.

********************************************

it'd getting more and more difficult to determine for myself who exactly i am and who i want to be. i know that most people would take this to mean what i want to do in life, but it's somehow more than that. it's like, the truer i am to myself, the more difficult it is to proceed further down this path of self-discovery. the closer i get to realising myself, the more sacrifices i have to make to continue.

there was a time, long ago, when i swore never to try and get attention again. somehow, i kept failing. so i decided, maybe being unnoticed isn't what i'm supposed to do. so screw societal norms, i'm going to be who i am most comfortable being. and for some reason, i didn't succeed at that either. i don't know if it was because i was uncomfortable being who i was, or i simply didn't know.

it befuddles the brain, to the point when there are periods where you don't know who you are at all, and this leads to, of all things, a loss of identity. it's really scary, this feeling, when you're not sure who you are, and what you've been put on this earth to do. it freaks me out more than anything i've ever seen, heard or felt before.

but, then, i wonder: perhaps that is, truly, the meaning of life. the struggle for realisation of one's identity. perhaps the only ones that move on to the next stage of existence are those who have found out who they are. not only that, but they have become comfortable with who they are as well. the second is a lot harder than the first, because even if you find out who you are, you may not like it, which means that coming to terms with who you really are, with all the facades and layers stripped away borders on the impossible.

*************************************************

42.

*************************************************

oh yay, that's 3 consecutive days with a post. let's hope i can keep this up.

maybe the next post i'll come up with another poem about valentine's day.

we shall see.

an obligation vs an order

2008-02-09T20:05:00.000+08:00

if i had a penny for everytime i said the words, 'i wish i hadn't done..'

i'd have a lot of pennies.

there are some times in life when you must make a choice between what is right, and what is easy.

my dad's always told me that. he always says, never take the easy way out, even for the most mundane things. like cleaning the dishes. even though you own a dishwasher, once in a while you should do it by hand. teaches you to fully appreciate a lot of things.

we get so wrapped up in our lives that there comes a point when we forget who we are, and what's important. it's so easy to get distracted by thoughts of work or thoughts of bills to pay and such, that very rarely do we make a conscious effort to spend time with people. not over sms or something similar, but face to face. i mean, think about it. when was the last time you had a talk with yor best friend face to face. did you tell them how much you appreciate the fact that they're here for you, and always have been here for you? because, the truth is, friendships might not last. to make them, you have to take the time to make it work. it's like that for anything. so the next time you want to sms someone, see if you can't talk to them face to face or something first.

said the boy who's blogging about stuff like this.

ironic, no?

si, señor.

**********************************************

maybe all we need is time.

i hope so.

**********************************************

i wrote this poem for my junior 'cos he wants to give it to this girl. wrote it in 5 minutes, so it probably sucks, but ankita says it's really sweet, so i dunno.

today, valentine's,
i give to you,
eleven white, one red,
and my feelings true,

i give you a dozen,
and now i must know,
if our friendship,
ever can grow.

*******************************************

have you ever wondered, just for a second or so, what it would be like, if you had a chance to do it over? just, a chance to change whatever it was you didn't like that you had done?

they say that it is never wise to live in the past. yet 'they' are the same people who consult history books in order to show us, they claim, the mistakes of our past such that we do not repeat them. if that's not living in the past, what is? i'm not saying i disagree, but it does kinda make you wonder, doesn't it?

*******************************************

an idle mind is the devil's workshop.

well, damn, he's turned my mind into his own industry if that's the case.

tells you how bored i am.

thought of the day: what would happen if a girl batted her eyes at you... in the dark?

the prodigal son returns

2007-09-18T12:58:00.000+08:00

it's been a long time coming. REALLY long. been so long, in fact, that i forgot precisely what the purpose of this blog was. before i looked at the semi-schizo thing in the sidebar.

then i slowly realised, wait, this blog is the culmination of all the chemical processes in my cranial facility that have led me, inevitably, to this juncture in my existence where i must make a choice.

to blog or not to blog?

.... blog.

*******************************************

some might think i'm a sissy for even doing this, but you know what? i don't care.

simran once said to me, the two defning characteristics of a true man are:
1) his ability to emote, and
2) his ability to remain secure and true to himself.

well, she didn't have the bullet points when she was speaking, and she sure as hell wasn't that specific, but yeah, i deciphered it... i think.

and so, once again, the day is saved, thanks to, querida!

there were once three people on a road.

*******************************************

j2 life is really weird, cos i never imagined myself in a situation where i would be the senior in school. been 6 weeks and i still haven't come to terms with it. it's... weird, you know? like when you wake up one day and you suddenly realise, that there are certain societal obligations that have been placed on you in order to ensure your continued survival in a society where being different is discouraged, and having an independent mind is frowned upon.

kinda freaks you out a little bit, but hey, don't take my word for it.

nagada, nagada, nagada bajaa.

*******************************************

i think that this blog helps me in cpoing with... a lotta stuff, you know?

i put my thoughts into writing, and it sort of helps me to sift through the chaos of my mind.

so i shall do it more often. yes, i shall.

.... wonder how long this vow will last.

easy way out

2007-02-19T18:35:00.000+08:00

i finally went for basketball today, after so long. it felt so good to put some shots up.

but after 30 minutes, i suddenly realised that i might be shooting it wrong, because i felt my non-shooting hand affecting the direction of the ball, which wasn't supposed to happen.

i've been shooting basketballs the wrong way for 3 years.

DOH!

so i spent the next 2 hours doing nothing but correcting my shot, and practising and internalising the new shot. and it fel really good, 'cause it was nothing but net so many times.

the picture is me just after i came back. sweaty, heavy breathing, running on adrenaline... haha, a very nice picture, yeah?

i look abnormally tall in the picture... dunno why...

anyway, ciao!

run, run!

2007-02-15T14:44:00.000+08:00

immediately after a have a 3 week-long hiatus, i have another 1 mont, 2 day-long hiatus.

i good.

a lot of shit has happened in this month. o level results came out, basketball training got better and better, etc.

and then i got kicked off the basketball team.

they said it was because of my absence. ABSENCE?!?! i was out for a MONTH AND A HALF with a back injury that the doctor said could possibly prove disabling to me, and they say absence. i don't know what i was supposed to have done, go to the court in a back brace and sit there twiddling my thumbs?

god-DAMNIT!

this is effed up, that's what this is.

couldn't they see how much it meant to me?

anyway, that's over, and i'm sure the captain (and the teacher) had reasons for kicking me out instead of just denying me entry into the team, sticking me on the bench for evermore, or something like that.

i'm sure.

haven't played ball properly since that day. f*ck man.

so, anyway, my new class rocks, but a lot of people might not be staying. some people did too badly, and some poeple did too well. there are people in my class who want to go to RJ... can you believe that? they're already in vj, the best school in singapore when it comes to a micture of studies and fun, and they want to go to rj. aiya, good luck to them la, they'll be pushed really hard there.

i got a b3 for my o level german paper. i'm actually a lot happier than i sound right now, considering i got a c for my prelims. the thing was, subra knew my marks before i did, and i was wondering how the hell he did, until he told me that the list that veerasamy had passed around had everyone's grades, but the one we got from the chinese teachers didn't.

what was the point of that paragraph? i have no idea, either.

i progressed from 12.18 for my 2.4 last year to 9.15 this year, which i am also ecstatic about. my pullups went from 0 to 5 in one month, whcihc is roughly from the last time i posted to now la.

thought for the day: jokes will never cause you to gain enemies, but it may cause you to lose a friend.

i should reflect on that quite deeply, huh?

yeah. anyway till next time, adios!

been a long time coming...

2007-01-13T01:17:00.000+08:00

man, 3 weeks since the last post. give or take a few. a lot happened.

orientation rocked. seriously, for all those who thought i was being sarcastic, i think although it was a little disorganised, the effort put in by the sc and all the other organising committees was very apparent. good job, guys!

thaddeus rocked too. so did think, my crewlet. the people there started bonding really fast, and we were all very enthu from the second day onwards. haha, ze yi and i were unofficial ogls la... that was really fun too!

then school started. i think starting school the day after the suntec mass dance was a very bad idea, all the people there were exhausted. then we had to get home and sleep early and stuff, it was damn irritating to have had to get up so early the next day. we should have had a day off that day. yes.

i got my class transferred on monday.

listen, i did NOT transfer class because i didn't like so-and-so person in my class. i think that's a pathetic reason to transfer. you don't like a person, figure out why, then solve it. go and make friends with him/her. the reason i transferred was because i didn't see any benefits that were to be gained from being in a class that contained the same people you've known for more than 2 years. i just didn't see myself developing in that sense. when it would come time for PW and stuff, i would be working with the same people again, and that occurring for 2 years just freaked me out.

hence the transfer.

anyway, my new class is really nice, i think that the people there are really fun to be around too. i was a little nervous around them at first, but it's slowly getting better in terms of my nervousness.

so here i am. tgif. i'm exhausted, tired, dead, bushed, whatever. my brain cannot sem to recognise small words. as in, i can't see what a t-shirt says. and i keep dozing off while typing, which makes it difficult to type again.

so, till another time, i shall go train for basketball again.

adios, amigos and amigoettes!

clarification...

2007-01-04T22:59:00.000+08:00

i said she was beautiful, not that i liked her.

there IS a difference, believe me.

i do NOT like her.

as we reminisce about the cultural learning of america for make benefit glorious nation of kazakstan

2007-01-01T11:52:00.000+08:00

somebody shoot me. please.

i went to the german class gathering on friday. i had a blast. but this girl was there, and she was beautiful, i'm telling you. she was bubbly, funny, and beautiful. me and her hit it off immediately, we were just talking.

suddenly, i find out she's attached, to my close friend in german class.

wth? haha, i was shocked i tell you. then we had a sleepover at this dude's place, we watched borat, and scary movie 2, it was hilarious, i tell you. especially borat. (hence the title)

anyway, he talked to the girl till 3.30, while talking to me too. we were having like a 3-way conversation and then at 3.30, we went to sleep. it was damn funny the way it ended. nicholas (the dude) was talking and talking when suddenly he asked me when i was gonna sleep. i told him probably in about 5-10 minutes. he goes, 'ok. i gtg, now, bye!' then he puts down the phone and goes to sleep. as in, he actually collapsed into a deep sleep in all of 10 seconds. then i was standing down there looking like a jackass with my mouth hanging open.

anyway,

HAPPY NEW YEAR! the first day of 2007 has been ok so far i suppose. got up at 7, went to the temple at 9, came back and now i'm just slacking like nobody's business.

school starts in 2 days. seriously, where'd the holidays go? it seems like only yesterday that i was studying for my last paper. ah, well. i'm sure i'll have fun this year, it being j1 and all.

bored now, shall go slack somewhere else and update the rest later. ciao!

surprise...

2006-12-17T15:31:00.000+08:00

ripped this off cheryl's blog... i took the quiz. and i had no idea what some of the questions meant. i don't know everything, but pretend to.

confidence? whassat?

....ripoff

trials and tribulations...

2006-12-15T14:24:00.000+08:00

i haven't had the best week. it's goten to the point where i've had serious doubts about myself. but then again, i always do.

on monday. i screwed up so badly during the match at the end of training, to the point that coach actually shot me a disgusted look. i'm fairly sure i can play, i just have nerves, and i freak out during a match... i think. anyway, i told daniel i wanted to quit, but he said that i should stay and try to be as good as the rest of them, and train really hard. i wasn't so sure then, so he said that i should tell him when i've decided.

tuesday. i went to the doctor because i was having some weird pain in my back, and the doctor looks at it, and then he says, with the air of someone announcing the time, 'you shouldn't play basketball. the sports for you are swimming and brisk walking.' at that poitn i'm still fine, so i ask him 'for how long? when can i play basketball again?' he doesn't even look at me and he says, 'probably never, this could be a permanent thing, you've got a weak back.'

didn't he see the pain i was going through at that point? i was trying my best not to cry, because he just told me i could never again do the one thing that i had really loved. and he didn't even realise how serious that was for me. what the hell am i supposed to do then, brisk walk? do i LOOK 70 to you? swimming i didn't mind but as long as there was no basketball, i couldn't bear to do any other sports. i was actually thinking of telling him to go to hell, but i decided against it, 'cos my mom was there, so i just bit my lip and shut up.

the words here don't express the sadness i felt at that point.

fast forward to today. in the gym, i ask the trainer if there were any exercises to strengthen my back, and he asked why, so i told him. he told me to skip a few exercises, and do others which would help. but he still said he wasn't sure if it would help, although he though it was a muscular weakness. that made my day. he didn't know it, but when he said that i was so happy, because, c'mon, a muscular weakness can be solved, just do exercises to strenghten the muscle, right? right, but it's still gonna hurt like hell during ball training, that's for sure. but the only way it'll ge better is if i train, so yeah.

screw you, sir. i'll show you that there is no weakness in my back. and even if there is, i don't care, i'll fight through the pain.

***************************************************

on a lighter note, i felt better today, after the pain from yesterday. i was barely able to make it home, my back hurt. the pain wasn't that severe. however, the fact that almost everytime i moved my back hurt meant that the pain was always there, and that was painful. duh. a small amount of pain endured over a long period of time is a whole lot harder to endure than a large amoung of pain suffered for a short time.

imagine what people who fight through large amounts of pain for long periods of time go through.

tribulation: an experience that tests one's endurance, patience, or faith.

oh, and all of the people who were at training today went to 7-11 afterwards, and i drank milk. that felt good, haha. they say that your stomach is in an anabolic state immediately after exercise that's why it's beneficial to eat or drink straight away. that's what shang yunn and daniel said anyway.

************************************

my sister's coming back home tomorrow, and she'll be here for like a month or so. YAY! i have yet to clean up my room and make it fit to inhabit for her, so i'm in trouble, haha. but ah, who cares! we can go bowling, watch movies, go out and stuff, yay!

that was so... weird. that paragraph was unlike me.

anyway, simran: here's the update.

xtine: huh? i have no idea what you're saying at all.

l-aura: we're already friends.

so, till next time, ciao!

change, growth and double entendres...

2006-11-26T16:59:00.000+08:00

i changed my tagboard... again.

it's happening exactly as before.

well.... not exactly. *smirk*

man, that is such a ripoff...

i went shopping yesterday, and there was a sale thing at expo, some adidas thing. that sucked. the basketball shorts were out of stock. yeesh, and as if that's not bad enough, i saw the t-mac 5s on sale, for 100 bucks. why's that bad you ask? because, although i'm like a size 11 for basketball shoes, they didn't carry my size, only size 13.5!!! wth, i was damn angry. but then we went to sportslink in eastpoint, and i bought a nike pair of shoes for 100 bucks too, and they were a size 12.

WTH!!! but i think it's because there's a lot of cushioning around the side, so although the shoes themselves may be a size 12, the actual interior is maybe an 11 or something.

so anyway, on to more relevant stuff.

a lot of things, i realised, have changed around me and within me. i've become more determined in some things, and more slack about others. my blog's changed a lot too. i was going through some of the posts that used to be there on my tagboards, and i realised that i used to be extremely angsty. but that seems like a good thing now, cos a lot of people tagged back then. sian, la... lol.

now that my phone has a camera and a recorder, i've been going berserk. i've got a lot of pictures of the basketball courts in vj now, as well as a lot of pictures of seemingly irrelevant stuff...

******************

have you ever heard someone say something about you, which makes a whole lot of sense, and then immediately read, watched or in any way experienced something that backed that up or maybe made you even more alert to that aspect of yourself? it's freaky when that happens, makes you wonder if there is something a lot bigger than all of us out there...

then again, have you ever read a book that really connected with you on a personal level? one that made you experience exactly what the character was going through, even if you had never been through what the character had? those are the toughest books to read, because they inevitably make you reflect on a lot of things, and the things you find may not be what you want to... and yet, these arwe the best books to read, because they truly make you forget yourself, completely submerse you in the plotline, and they make you lose all sense of time and place, o that it's just you and the book. it's these books that truly show an author's talent, and The Speech of Angels by Sharon Maas is one of those books... go buy it, trust me on this... but then again, i'm indian, so it struck a chord with me... whatever la, you want to buy it, go ahead, and enjoy...

till next time,

atra gülai un ilian tauthr ono un atra ono waíse sköliro frá rauthr.

you hate it, don't you? don't lie...

2006-11-18T08:35:00.000+08:00

it just occurred to me that there is NO way to answer the question in the title, especially if a girl asks you that. if you say no, they say don't lie. if you think you can say yes, you've got a major death wish.

ah, but that's not what i was going to post about, just a random thought that came to me as i was thinking of a title.

velvet a.k.a ip prom. i was wondering whether i would actually miss going to prom or not. then i realised that even if i did, it wasn't as though i could have done anything about it. then after prom...

i made the biggest mistake of my life not going.

i mean, think about it. it's the last time we get to see each other as actual ip students, and probably the only time that we will see each other as a class dressed up so nicely.

ip may not always have been nice, but it has changed me so much, from my character to my attitude to even the way that i think and move.

besides, i realised that during the prom duration on tuesday night, i was dancing at home to all sorts of songs. somebody get a hose, he's setting the dance floor on fire!

i'm only kidding, i can't dance. i try to, but i can't. and i like dancing, especially to hip hop.

anyway, back to the prom. i can't believe i didn't realise how important this night would be to me. i should have listened to my friends and gone, regardless... DAMN IT!

ah hell. no point brooding about things i can't change. you wait, i'm gonna tear up the sdd dance floor as if it's made of paper, YEAH! haha, right.

somebody shoot me.

sometimes you look back on your life and wonder what you have actually done that warrants your claim that you are free. what have you done to actually claim that you are a free thinking individual? when do you say you're alive? then the answers come to you.

when you breathe in the scent of a flower, when you stand in the rain and feel every drop of water on your skin, when you listen to the babble of a child and smile, when you look at a cloud and see wondrous things, when you lose yourself to a song, when you're in a place so quiet you can listen to your heartbeat and imagine a symphony, doing nothing but follow the beat supplied by your heart, when you look at a girl and she makes your heart skip a beat, when you smell the smell of rain.

in short, when you open your mind. the next time that you do any of these, think of what i said.

i cannot express the feelings of regret and the feelings of nostalgia that flow through me, filling me with every beat, with every drop of blood that flows through my body.

all i can say is this: i will miss you. all of you. even those who i hated. because by listening to your criticisms, by listening to your bitching, i have been able to change for the better. often, it is our enemies, not our friends, who help us improve the most.

i learnt that last one from my father. he told me that to get angry at criticisms is only satisfying the other party. so, take the criticism and then improve on that aspect. then thank the enemy. that's the worst punishment you can give.

THANKS FOR THE COMMENT, SUBRA!!! WAZZA!!!! haha...

one last thing, should i or shouldn't i put up the tagboard? POLL!!! nah, just kidding, i think i will put one up soon...

nostalgia pt. 4...

2006-11-17T21:04:00.000+08:00

so i continue, unwavering in my mission to chronicle the characteristics of everyone in my class in a few short lines.

joel is a really good goalkeeper, i think he's gonna do really well in the soccer team. i think he played a REALLY important role in our winning the soccer invigorate, yeah. of course, the fact that we had 2 matches with a penalty shootout in them helped a lot too, as did the fact that other classes didn't have a goalkeeper of joel's calibre. but joel is a really nice guy who is sometimes really frank with you, which is a nice thing. refreshing, no? i remember asking him so often to play worms on his pda, and he refused constantly after the first few times, haha...

allow us to be frank.

i realised that i didn't really give jonathan a lot of space. i mean, wth, ONE line?!?!?! tsk tsk ganesh, what is this?

anyway, jonahan. he is the most organised person i have EVER met. he goes about doing everything with a plan in mind. i truly believe that with determination and organisation like he has, he can do anything he wants to. and he's... not sick per se, but thee are sometimes tell tale signs that he's thinking something sick. and he's REALLY funny too, i remember trying to emulate his style of joke telling in ip 1. not that anyone found it funny when i said it, though, haha. and he's really inquisitive too... i don't think there was a single lesson where he wouldn't go and meet the teacher to clarify his doubts, he was realy very intent on understanding all the subjects properly.

and then there's henry. i think him and jonathan are like really good friends, they always hang out together. henry is a really fantastic point guard, but he's also always trying to improve himself, too. that's really cool, because it motivates those around him to work hard too. he's also a little vain. haha, he's always worried about his hair, like jonathan too! and he really likes dota, plays it almost every day, haha... and he can own people in any game after playing it just a few times, that's really amazing to see. he's really funny too, can laugh like mad when these 2 are around.

desmond. i don't know what to write about him, other than it's really obvious to anyone that we're not exacytly the best of friends. i lied about him once, bitched about him (it was something really bad) and i think that i lost any hope of getting on his good side afterthat. i've tried, though, but what i did really can't be forgiven, i know. but i still wanna say i'm sorry. so if you read this, desmond, sorry for the incident. i hope that someday we can be friends.

anyone else? just kidding, still a long way to go. but i'm gonna try to finish it this post.

there's yi xiang, the design genius who is really quite bitchy haha. he's weird. i can't figure him out. he'll make this really seductive pose, then when people look at him, he suddenly exclaims 'don't rape me!' the way he poses it's quite clear he wants to get raped or something, haha... just kidding. but he's really helpful, just ask him for help and he helps when he can. but he's really fun to watch, especially when he fights with diane and olivia or beatrice. they hurl insults at each other like crazy...

then there's thana. MAN, this guy's crazy about germany. and he's racist towards indians. forget that, he hates indians. the worst part? he's indian. but ask him, and he'll say he's german, haha. this here's a hitler lover, lol... not really, though, it's always as a joke. he can be really insensitive sometimes, but then i'm sensitive, right thana? lol... but honestly, he's REALLY mean sometimes, and he doesn't know when to stop with the jokes. but when you talk to him when he's alone, he's a REALLY nice guy, no joke...

shakura, the pro-french gal. she's pretty too, and was the first ever prom queen! haha, she's really quiet, but can get pretty loud and wild sometimes. SOMETIMES, haha. but she's really nice,she's the kind of person you can tell your troubles to, i think. she seems like that kind of person. and when the right project comes along, she's a really great leader. i remember last year's imagineering, if i had put in as much effort as she had, i would have gotten an A for sure. but sometimes she can really be distant. yeah...

ser en, the pro-homosexuality girl. seriously, she went starkers when brokeback mountain didn't win best film at the oscars. haha, and this girl has been trying to cut back on her tissue usage, 'cos seriously, she was like, hooked on them the same way people gt hooked on drugs. she had like a locker FULL of them, literally... but other than that, she sems angry a lot of the time, but she doesn't ever look angry. she only seems angry 'cos she has this annoying habit of slamming the door everytime she enters a room. and she's the onyl girl who can put up with audrey for a really long time, haha. just kidding, relax audrey...

penultimately, there's shreya. this is a really sweet girl, the sweetest i've ever met. she's the kidn of girl who you cant tell your problems to, and she'll always listen. i think she's the best friend anyone could have, even if you just got to meet her. she's a really good poet, as can be witnessed in her reminiscences for our class, which took all of one psot only. she made four line poems with cool rhymes, and i was astounded at her talent, honestly. and she's really just a fantastically nice girl.

lastly but not leastly (wth?), there's eileen. eileen is dhevy's best friend, and she's nice to talk to too. we honestly do have a lot of people who are nice to talk to in our class. and she's got a really cool pda too. i'm a freeloading bloodsucker, haha :) she's also like a really fun person to be around, cos she takes insults very well too. haha, it's nice to insult these type of people, cos they don't get angry. KIDDING! haha, sorry. but honestly, this girl has a really high tolerance level, like dhevy. i mean they put up with my crap for god know how long, right? lol.

******************************

I'M DONE! man. i hope you guys enjoyed reading my thoughts on the people in our class. i sure enjoyed writing about you guys, although it did bring back some unwelcome memories, but more welcome than unwelcome, which is good always, right? haha, but till the next normal post, adios amigos!

nostalgia pt. 3...

2006-11-11T15:15:00.000+08:00

so now i move on to my language arts group. subra, shao sheng, diane (already done) and xu duo.

subra is a really nice ct rep, with a knack for doing the weirdest things, haha but inevitably makes them funny. he's really popular, and i don't know what the heck i was doing running against him in the elections this year. he's the best ct rep we've ever had. actually, the only. no wait, we had huai khuan beginning of last year, but let's not go there. anyway, subra, i think you're a fantastic ct rep and you should definitely try out again next year... subra has this thing about his bottle, especially after what happened with thana, lol. and he's got like all the coolest gadgets la, his ipod video and his 3g phone.

uncle shao sheng! haha, he's a really cool guy. he's really nice, he's like the perfect son, and he's hilarious to be around. he's got this habit of being melodramatic, and it's hilarious when he overacts with the anger bit. but you'll always get the point. and he's like... so nice la, ok? that about sums it up...

xu duo is the maths queen. all the other maths people report to her and worship the ground she walks on, leaving little square roots in her wake... man, that paints a weird piture... and she's really nice too! my class is full of nice people, haha... she's a bit on the quiet side, and i remember getting her to talk during lang. arts by asking 'what do YOU think?' a trick i got from diane, lol.

wah, damn sian sia... haha, but writing about my class is worth it! till part 4, peace and hair grease!

nostalgia... pt. 2

2006-11-08T21:13:00.000+08:00

i realised that thetre is a very high chance of me blogging about everyone in class in the nostalgia series... whoa, that phrase just rolled off my tongue, haha...

so, anyway, i was thinking about all the fun times we had as a class, and then i realised that there were a lot of people in our class. whoa, sherlock.

daniel. man, this guy is kinda like eugene too, in some aspects. namely the sick jokes part. whenever he laughed, me and eugene would theorise that he could only be laughing about something sick, cos his laugh was like that. made you think it was some sick joke or the other. but damn, this dude is a hard mugger. i found out how come he suddenly started doing so well this year, but shall not tell. and he jumps REALLY high, but still isn't satisfied. he wants to dunk, haha.

aaron. he never failed to crack me up with his antics. he was so DIVA! haha, but seriously, he's a really nice guy, and is always there when you need a helping hand. thanks for the support last year, man. really. dunno if you still remember though. but haha, watching him and beatrice play kingdom of loathing was so fun, cos i never understood hat was going on, and i STILL have no idea what the heck moxie is. and aaron has fallen aslep in every class at LEAST one time. i'm serious. there's no class that he has not fallen asleep in. and the rest of us have a blast waking him up by throwing stuff at him. poor him.

naturally, next is beatrice. she's really fun to talk to, cos she'll say something stupid and then she'll become all bimbotic, and then it's fun to poke fun at her. haha, but seriously, it's quite nice to talk to her, cos she's always the kinda prson who makes you laugh... in today's world, that's really nice, so yeah. and you also realise that once in a while, she'll start talking and then she'll suddenly get angry with something, and then she'll start getting really worked up, and then she ends it with, 'oh my god!' while fanning herself. it's hilarious.

how can a person be so smart and yet show these occasional bursts of weirdness? haha, but no offense to beatrice.

talk about beatrice, and then you have to talk about olivia, them being the 'noir-et-rouge' pair. lol, olivia's nice to talk to, too, especially when mr. ang is telling us about vectors, loci and integration. i don't know, it seems that whenever he starts talking about that kinda stuff, i find something to talk about and then we'll go off on a discussions that prompts the other people in my maths group to consequently tell me to shut up.

that's zhao chen, zhu li and audrey.

sian, a lot of poeple to talk about.

zhao chen. haha, i still remember last year when everyone made fun of his obsession over allen iverson. but seriously, zhao chen has a good reason to like iverson, cos iverson is fantastic. but anyway, what i admire most about zhao chen is his courage. i still remember last year, precisely after the above mentioned teasing he got for so long, he stood up to the people who were making fun of him behind his back and he shouted at them, and scolded them. something about him having feelings too, and stuff. i really admired that. oh, and he pwns me at basketball. then again, so does everyone else.

zhu li is crazy good at maths. she's like, this uber goddess. if i didn't know how to do a maths sum, i just ask her, and bam, the answer is laid out in front of me... but she's a really nice girl too, she's always very patient with you when you need help, and the way she says, 'can you shut up?' is really funny, haha. and she pays attention in such a way that sooner or later, you start feeling fuilty cos you're not.

audrey khoo huai khuan. i think she's a poser. i dunno why she hates me, cos many times i have tried to reconcile with her, but sooner or later we start insulting each other, and always, the last insult she throws at me will be, 'oh go away, ganesh, i can't see you, you're too black.' or something along those lines. i mean, seriously, haha, get some originality will you? *see the irony, anyone?* but when we're not arguing and trying to kill each other, she's actually ok, you know. nice to talk to, DEFINITELY a heck of a lot of fun to irritate and insult, haha.

update: eugene seems to be in love with my blog url. i don't know why.

after olivia, following association (the maths group was kind of also by association, so association pt. 2!), we have pearlyn. this is cos 1) pearlyn and olivia are both in bowling and 2) because olivia always seems to be motioning something or the other to pearlyn during maths lessons.

pearlyn is the person to go to, or whose blog to read is you want a laugh. she's really a hilarious person. and (i may be wrong here. no wait, i'm probably wrong here) she's apparently very unhappy with herself. she does NOT have thunder thighs, and she's not ugly or fat, believe me. she IS short though, haha. she's another person who's really easy to talk to (seems like we have a lot of people like that in 05v14), and talking to her is fun, too. she's often very blunt too, which is refreshing as well. but overall, she's a fantastic girl.

talking about bowling, the last person for this part, diane wong. her sister's in project superstar! i haven't watched, lah, but i hear she's really quite good and the best looking of the bunch. diane, however, is quite weird, in a good way. she beat me at insults *gasp!* and i was left beggin for mercy from her neverending stream of scary insults. she's also quite pretty, i think. she is, honestly. not saying i like her or anything, but when you look at the facts, diane is honestly pretty. she doesn't judge people upon meeting them, at least not that i know of, so i may once again be wrong. but it's really fun to watch her and subra going at each other during language arts lessons. haha, subra and shao sheng just keep calling her fat in (mostly) subtle ways...

up next: part 3! duh... but i'm really gonna mis this class, man, honestly... *shakes head ans wipes a tear*

nostalgia... pt. 1

2006-11-07T21:20:00.000+08:00

i know i said that my class is't that nice and i don't really like them, but the more i think about it, the more i realise that's not true.

first of all, my old group. what a time we had man, that was my favourite group of all. we managed to pull off 2 miracles for the 2 bio projects that we did, haha! well, the second one wasn't really a miracle, we did work hard for it, but the first one was really cool, the sushi kit, haha. that was the first time i realised just how hard a worker jonathan really is.

and cheryl. man, if it wasn't for her, i don't think i would have changed for the better at all, and i would still have all my flaws. not that i'm flawless now, duh, but i have improved on them, thanks to you, along with others, but i'll get to that later.

then, wilbur. man, how many times did i crack up and nearly die laughing because of the weird things he did in class? and the fact that we were right net to each other didn't help matters either. but u have to admit, when it comes to the sciences, this guy is a GENIUS. there is no one in the IP who can match him for pure destructive knowledge.

and then even worse, du chen. man, how many times was she the savious when i was gonna get a question wrong? she's like this machine made for studying... woosh!

then my new group. dhevy. save the trees! haha, having her in my group was always a good thing, cos she was so fun to bully and insult, haha. but she always took it with good humour, and that was really nice too. and she also lent me a lot of her notes just before tests, and those notes really helped me to do ok, really. so thanks dhevy!

eugene. man this dude is crazy! he drove the whole group up the wall with his lameness, and how many times did the 2 of us crack up over a sick joke that didn't require words? haha. we'd just be sitting there, doing our work, when i'd look at eugene, and then one of us would make a simple motion, and the other would just die laughing amidst the looks of 'what the heck...?' that the rest of the group would be giving us.

du chen. aiyah, my group again, haha, just check above lah. haha, but she's a very nice girl, really, and she's always willing to help, and always asks if she doesn't understand something. which wasn't very often to tell you the truth. she's very quiet, though, and sometimes she'll be really absorbed in her work, which says a lot about her concentration.

amanda. gee i wonder why she's famous in our class, haha. as pearlyn put it, 'People who like to stretch a lot in math lessons... like Amanda Ang.' lol, but seriously, she can be very nice at times, when she's not completely pissed off and in a bitchy mood, which is when u just stay out of her way and do NOT talk to her, or she'll just look at you, roll her eyes, and tsk-tsk you to hell. but other than that, she's really quite nice.

more later, that's why this is part 1.

basketball...

2006-11-01T23:17:00.000+08:00

sunday was a good day for me.

i was in the zone, haha. i played like, 4 games in the park with other guys. i averaged something like 3 assists, 5 points, something like that.

considering that each game was only like 15 or 20 points, i felt it was pretty good. we even had one full court game. haha, i even got like, 2 rebounds per. then again, that was cos i was like the third tallest player there, lol. which, considering im only 173, is really quite sad.

but the assists were crazy man, i was shocked at some of them myself. like, there was one where i drove into the paint and then i was gonna go for the shot, but then passed it over my shoulder to another guy behind me, and then he made the shot. *jaw drops* did i do that? man, i was shocked, lol.

but seriously, i seem to only be able to do this when im not at training. when im at training, i freeze, i dunno what to do, and i panic. that sucks. if only i could be like this during the training, i think i'd learn a lot more.

ah well.

anyway, change of subject.

THE HEAT GOT PWNED BY THE BULLS!!! 108-66!!! WT?!?!?!

man that sucks. I'm no longer sure if they can retain their championship. of course, considering the fact that ben wallace limited shaq to only 7 points, im not sure if shaq can be counted on anymore either. ah well. DWYANE WADE FOR MVP! haha, he still got 25 and was the only player to score in double digits for the heat. cool shit, lol.

anyway, yeah. i think... never mind.

i want the adidas tmacs, or the air jordans...

ciao, all.

do the hokey pokey...

2006-10-29T11:27:00.000+08:00

i got a new phone. but not for long though. i only get to keep it for a while, cos my dad gave mine to some guy whose staying with us for a while. so, my new phone is a hp ipaq phone and pda combined. yay! haha, but it really is quite cool.

good luck, dawn! though i've never met you or seen you.

i just finished reading eragon for what, the third time? yeah, the third time. i wish christopher paolini would hurry up and finish writing the third book, 'cause i really want to know what happens. that's why you should never buy a book that's part of a series when it is released. wait until all come out, then buy all of 'em at once. it's less nerve-straining, if there is such a word.

i downloaded maplestory on an impulse, and now i'm at level 6. i dunno,i felt like trying it out.

i went to gelare on friday, and man, what an ice cream i had there. or ice creams, considering 9 guys shared 4 ice creams, and just kept eating. wilbur, the bottomless pit.

i feel random today. hence the title for the post.

if you haven't realised, the nick name in my msn is "Mr. Potter, haven't you heard the phrase 'you do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, and that's what it's all about?'" and then my personal message continues, "Well there's Hokey, and we're still looking for Pokey."

the reason for that was i realised that the house elf in harry potter and the half-blood prince was named hokey, and that made me think of the hokey pokey. so yeah.

told ya.

ok, then. shall go off and study german and also play maple.

is it time?

2006-10-17T09:41:00.000+08:00

for me to pull my head out of the clouds and back down to the ground?

for me to realise that maybe, just maybe, i may not be destined to be follow in the footsteps of my sister with regards to results?

goddamnit, no.

i'm gonna take PCM. i dunno about the last one, but damn it, i am taking chem next year.

just 'cause you say i'd be better off in the arts department.

my results may not make me that eligible, but damn it i will try. i will work for it, because god knows i want to do this. i want the opportunity.

my dad wants me to take KI and triple science.

i tell him i don't want to, but he doesn't listen.

my mom? she just says how she never had this type of problem with my sister and stuff, how my sister never locked her door when she was studying and how she always called my mom to let her know if she was comng home late.

is it time for me to realise i don't want to live in my sister's shadow any longer?

to admit that i have been jealous of her for the longest time, because she was able to juggle both the responsibilities of being the drama club president and the 4 A's she needed to get i order to be eligible for medicine?

yes. i am jealous. i have lived in her shadow for a long time. sometimes i even wonder if that was the reason that i joined the drama club, to prove to my parents that i was every bit as good as her.

doozy.

don't cry for me , argentina.

pray for the remaining results instead.

physics, bio, la and ss left.

fly like an eagle.

2006-10-11T17:46:00.000+08:00

yay.

my exams are over.

strange how, though you hope and hope and wait and wait for something to be over, the anticipation itself feels so much better than the event itself.

take yesterday, for example.

on monday, i was saying how i could not WAIT for tuesday morning around 11.15, because by then we would most certainly have finished physics and then i would be free, muahahahahaha!

enter tuesday, 11.15 a.m

the first thing that enters my brain is, it's over.

then, i start vibrating in my seat. literally, vibrating, because i want to move, go somewhere, do something.

we (henry,joel,jonathan,subra,wilbur,yixiang and myself) went to play LAN.

for 4 hours.

straight.

hooray for migraines!

anyway, we played DotA, NFS: U2, FIFA, CS, and all the other acronym games thingies. actually, we only played the ones i mentioned. but i played a bit of star wars battlefront, though. yay.

when i got home, i realised straight away that i was bored. not bored like, oh there's nothing to do, bored but bored like, i'm bored out of my freaking mind and i'm gonna die if something doesn't HAPPEN SOON, bored.

which is not a good thing, considering that i have about 3 more months of this. wait, 2 more.

anyway, the exams.

maths, as you (an interesting question to ask here would be, WHO???) already know, was a screw up. then i go and read that pearlyn finished the paper in 1 hour 40 minutes. man, THAT bought my confidence up!

just kidding, pearlyn.

physics was okay i suppose, except for the fact that i left out like 6 marks because i didn't study nuclear physics and so couldn't remember the fomula for half-life or whatever. i hate electromagnetic induction, what does that tell you?

chem.... ok also, but i didn't like the mcq...

bio... let's not talk about it, ok? it wasn't bad, but i've had better.

language arts is the only one i feel ok-bordering-on-good for... the essay, i had all the points, and the stimulus questions for sciences were surprisingly easy.

ss... gone liao. the friggin questions on the 'human belief in progress' WTF are you talking about, man? then the homeless place question... wah, how the hell we supposed to know that you want location locale and sense of place, you say home as a place, i give you home as a place, you didn't friggin as for home in general, right?

for the record, the previous post was not a cry for pity, or sorriness, or... whatever it is some people think everything personal that is put on a blo is.

a blog is the only place where i can put up wmy feelings without having to be worried about what people are gonna think about it.

man, i just realised what a doozy of a contradiction that was.

doozy?

DOOZYDOOZYDOOZY!!!

that would be the sugar taking over, excuse me.

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whew, that felt good.

ever notice how people type and talk in completely different ways?

like, i typed doooooooooooooooooooooozyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

how many of you would type ddddddddddddddddddddoooooooooooooooooooozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

how the hell do you say that?

how do you pronounce dddddddddddddd?
"d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-ooooooooooooooooozzzzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyy?"

don't think so.

that was such a waste of space. complete and utter nonsense that was.

i like changing subjects with lightning speed. now if only my feet could do the same, i'd be set for basketball... no, that and some stamina. ok, ok, a hell lot of stamina.

whatever, la, can't be bothered.

wait, la???

whatever.

ciao, all (like, 3 people? wow, haha)

despair, nightmares and racism.

2006-10-08T20:30:00.000+08:00

the link between all these things?

it sucks if you have any of them.

lucky me.

i had a nightmare about my results, chinese people who see me playing basketball apparently think i don't know what they mean when they call me c*- bye and mangkali and all that other f-ed up stuff, and my sister is in india with a riot going on around her, a shoot-on-sight curfew and no food.

first off the most serious one. my sister.

god, how i worry. i couldn't sleep yesterday night for fear that something might have happened to her. and the fact that a f-ing policeman almost beat her didn't help either. man, i swear, if i had been there, it wouldn't have mattered that i was puny and weak, i woulda punched the teeth outta that sucker.

tried to, at least.

if i think about it for more than a few minutes, i start to panic, start to despair, get this close to crying.

so i change the subject, run, avoid, do anything but think about it, because i know, i every second i think about it is a second closer to me crying with fear.

next, the racists. whoop de doo. i've been there before, i've seen it before. but damn, i can't help but wonder everytime some sh*t like this happens: am i really different enough for people to judge me based on colour?

answer: no. damn you, you gangsters. me and lincon asked you to play first, if you didn't wanna play, say so. but nooooooooooooooooo, you had to pretend like you wanted to play, then go shout 'kanina, mang kali!' as i was about to lay it up right?

whatever. to hell with you.

lastly, my results. i mean, i know everyone's stressing out, but it doesn't look like it. the day of the exams, their all laughing and stressing each other out whenever they forget an answer, and i don't feel that they're

waking up in the middle of the night, drenched in a cold sweat, all because you realise that you've got to be going crazy, i mean what other explanation is there, especially since the friggin' maths paper was scrolling down in your mind like some sort of internet web page, i bet it's all the games i played online yesterday, damn i'm so gonna fail, why couldn't i do the last question, damnit, i wanted to use sine rule, but i overloooked it, thinking it couldn't be the anwer, ah whatever, i've go to concentrate on studying bio and my german oral o lvels are tomorrow you dumb prick, well hooray

stressed out.

man.

change

2006-09-21T22:46:00.001+08:00

i'm changing.

i can feel it happening, inside me.

i've been able to feel it since i did a little soul-searching a little while back.

since i talked to... people.

the thing is... it's not physical.

i can feel my values being changed and/or hardened.

i'm starting to believe in things more.

it's kind of scary,'cause i've got this new found determination, and i don't know how to channel it.

can you say 'EOYs'???

driven from within.

"you want to hit me everytime i come into the lane? ok, then i'm going to the line and knocking down 85 percent. but i am coming back down that lane. there might not be other guys coming back, but you can be damn sure that i'm coming back."

from now on, when i say something, i'm gonna mean it.

watch me.

madness

2006-09-21T22:37:00.000+08:00

i bet they're all always talking about me.

yeah, right. like you're that important to them. like they'd waste so much time on you.

well, maybe not but still. i bet they talk about me a lot.

dude, now you're just getting paranoid. just because they talk and laugh, then refuse to tell you what it's about, doesn't mean it's about you. stop becoming schizophrenic.

what's wrong with being schizophrenic? john nash was one. and he got a nobel prize.

so, going by your logic, since he was a schizophrenic, and he was a nobel prize winner, that means all schizophrenics get nobel prizes, and by that logic, the nobel prize is awarded for being schizo.

... you are so gonna fail lang arts with that kinda f***ed up reasoning.

yeah, says you.

no, actually says, you.

what?

.... wait.

i'm talking to myself.

.... hello, nobel.

of noir, rouge, and sensitivity...

2006-09-16T19:50:00.000+08:00

there are certain times in life when you are approached by someone to do business, or do something that will earn you money (isn't that business too? never mind.

then there are those you find out about by accident and then just decide to help the business for free.

i had one of the latter things friday.

noir-et-rougeee.livejounal.com

i was stunned by the desrciptions of the items. they're really appropriate.

i think i wanna buy one too.

anyway, anyone who reads this blog (just shreya, then)should really go check out the site.

really. this ain't a gimmick. and they're all handmade too!

i helped with a sale!! haha, i'm happy now.

anyway, i'm going to be making a website sometime soon. won't tell you what it's about though, haha.

____________________________

sometimes you've just got to face down your fear, just look it in the eye, and say "it's true, i am afraid of you, but you know what? that won't stop me. i will face you down and defeat you, and then, only then, will i be free."

i've done it before. the feeling is beyond words.

a lot of things are. for me, at least.

maybe it's just me.

nah.

______________________________

sometimes, it feels as though every word you say is an effort, towards me. like you want to do everything in your power to run away, but politeness is stopping.

i say run. don't hide. i won't be offended. at least i know you don't like me.

i'm sensitive.

or i used to be.

i think.

eugene said that i am.

i wonder if it still stands.

never mind.

this entry was rubbish.

except for the part about noir-et-rougeee. seriously, guys, als, dogs, cats, e.ts, everyone...

GO.

CHECK.

IT.

OUT.

you won't regret it.

ciao.

EDIT: P.S, the comment thing has been fixed, now anyone can post (even anonymously)... think of the possiblities.... whooppee....

revival

2006-09-12T20:40:00.000+08:00

ok. so this is the first post of the new blog, which was revived by me.

yippee.

ok, so first i should probably explain why i deleted this in the first place.

i'm human. i have ideas. i wanted to express these ideas so that others would get a deeper insight into what drives me.

what i ended up doing was ranting. even though there was some parts which i still felt were good.

i hoped people would change, that they would listen, that i would be able to change the world.

*snap**crackle**pop**fizz*

heard that? that's the sound of my idealism dying and then disintegrating.

although, on hindsight...

it was quite hypocritical of me to try and change people when i myself had to change.

not that that's happened, i'm thinking, 'i don't live my life for you anymore. i want to keep a blog for other reasons than to publicise my views. i need a place to keep the thoughts that crowd my brain such that i can have some hope of organising them at a later date.

how much later?

gok.

______________________________________________

the purpose of life is not to be popular or to become well-liked by everyone.

anyone can do that. just get a few jokes, slap 'em together and know when to use them.

anyone can act like brad pitt and be popular. anyone can imitate russell peters.

the trick... the trick exists in making people like you for who you are.

i once read,

betrayal of self
in order not to betray another
is betrayal nonetheless
it is the highest betrayal

that's why i admire actors. they are able to slip into and out of personas, do so many different things, and still are able to go home that day with the same set of beliefs that they started their day with.

i shall strive to be true to myself from now on as well.

and this blog will only be updated when i feel i have something meaningful or nice to say.

maybe if i have something funny to say too.

speaking of which, i was reading ZITS yesterday, and i saw this line which made me laugh till i cried.

'i carpe-d the snot out of this diem!'

haha.

it's a lot funnier than it seems.